Domestic Violence Isn't Always Physical Violence

Real men aren't violent.

When domestic violence was first given any real attention in the 1970s, it was broadly defined as a situation involving abusive behavior in an intimate relationship.  The problem of domestic violence gained significant attention in the 1990s and the definition was expanded to include domestic abuse, spousal abuse, intimate partner violence, family violence and spousal battering.

So defined, domestic violence takes on many forms, including physical assault, sexual assault, psychological assault and attacks against property and pets.

Physical Assault

Physical assaults may occur frequently or infrequently, but in many cases they tend to escalate in severity and frequency over time.  This form of domestic violence may include shoving, pushing, restraining, hitting or kicking.  Unfortunately, many violent situations end in the death of the victim, the abuser or both.

Sexual Assault

Sexual assault occurs in a relationship when one partner forces sexual acts that are unwanted or declined by the other partner.  A National Fact Sheet published by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence states “Nearly 7.8 million women have been raped by an intimate partner at some point in their lives.”

Psychological Assault

According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, this form of domestic violence

 “can include, but is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources.”  

Many times, just being late in coming home from the grocery store is an abuser’s justification for additional humiliation or violence.  Abusers always attempt to place all the blame for an abusive relationship on the victim.

Threats of Physical Violence

Oftentimes abusers will use words, gestures or even weapons to make the victim feel the real threat of injury or death.  The abuser may threaten to kill himself or to take the children and leave.

Attacks Against Property and Pets

In an abuser’s attempts to maintain total control and dominance, the abuser may destroy property that may include household objects or treasured items belonging to the victim, hitting the walls, or abusing or killing beloved pets.

To truly understand just what domestic violence is, we must also understand the abusers.  As with their victims, individuals who batter fall into no specific categories. They come from all class backgrounds, races, religions and walks of life. They may be unemployed or highly paid professionals. The batterer may be a good provider, a sober and upstanding member of the community, or a respected member of his church’s congregation.

We must understand that even when a domestic violence victim chooses to leave, there may be invisible scars that will last for a lifetime.

Now that we know just what domestic violence is, we must get involved and do whatever we can to stop the violence.  No woman, in a free society, should suffer violence or abuse in her own home, while her children watch.

================================================================= Domestic violence is all around us. It's in our neighborhoods and the places we work. It's not a private matter and it doesn't happen to just poor people. The only way we can help stop it is to talk about it. I would like to hear what you have to say. Please join me on LinkedIn and Google+.--Ken