Saturday, May 17, 2014

Domestic Violence Victims: What Can You Do?

Domestic violence can be stopped if people get involved
You Can Help Stop Domestic Violence
It can be very difficult to know just what to do when someone you care about is a victim of domestic violence, whether you are a close friend or a family member. The sad truth is that sometimes she may not even see herself as a victim or view her partner as a batterer.

You must remember in many violent and abusive relationships it is just as important to know what not to do in your efforts to help.

Some things you can do to help a domestic violence victim:

  • Ask questions
You may ask general questions like, "How's the marriage/relationship going?" or you can ask specific questions - "Has he ever pushed or hit you?", "Has he ever tried to intimidate you or call you names?". It is very important to understand that domestic violence doesn't always begin with physical violence and you must recognize some of the early warning signs of a possible violent relationship.



  • Know the effects of domestic violence
Education is critical to any help you might give to the victim. You need to understand that domestic violence can have serious and dangerous physical and emotional effects on everyone in the household. Share what you have learned with the victim because information can be a very powerful tool in helping her recognize and protect herself against any future violence.

  • Trust the victim's knowledge
You must respect her choices about when she can or can't take certain steps. She is the expert here and she understands the relationship more than anyone else. She knows the safest time to take action.

  • Always give her positive feedback
Constantly remind her of her strengths and abilities. If she has suffered physical and emotional abuse for any amount of time, her self-esteem is very low and she may even blame herself for the violence. She may be scared to step out on her own. Make use of the words "I" or "I'm" - "I care about you." "I'm very concerned about your safety.", "I'm afraid the next call I get will be that you are seriously injured." Let her know that she is important to you.

  • Be patient
Always be a good listener, let her talk and when its time for you to speak do not be judgmental in any way. The victim may have left the abuser before and then returned to the violence. You must understand that leaving takes time, sometimes years. It is easy to lose patience with some domestic violence victims, but leaving is a process and you must recognize your boundaries in order for you to always be supportive.

  • Help the victim develop a safety plan
A safety plan will help the victim know what to do and how to do it when she is faced with a violent situation. Your local domestic violence shelter or state coalition against domestic violence will help you understand this important plan.

  • Call the police
If you hear or witness a violent incident, don't hesitate to dial 911 immediately. When the police arrive, cooperate with them and ask to fill out a statement. You want to be able to document the violent episode and be prepared to testify in court.

Some things you "Should Not" do in trying to help a domestic violence victim:

  • Never criticize the abusive partner
Remember, the victim chose her partner and when you say critical things about the abuser you are applying those same critical comments to the victim. Many abusive partners isolate their victims by telling them that no one likes him and everyone wants to see them split up. When she hears your criticisms, she feels that he was right. The victim will not continue to come to you if she feels that all you are going to do is criticize.

  • Don't try to intervene physically
Trying to overpower the abuser just might cause injuries or death to you, the abuser, or the victim. Call 911, that's a policeman's job.

  • Don't make choices for the victim
She is living with someone who never lets her make her own choices and when you give her orders or ultimatums, you are only repeating that violent behavior. Trust her knowledge and support her in her decisions.

Domestic violence is at epidemic levels in the United States and probably the best thing any of us can do to stop the violence is to learn about it and get involved. Just think about it - What would it be like to get off work in the afternoon and be afraid to go home? or worse still, What if your partner kept you confined to your house and wouldn't allow you to have a job? How does it feel to be scared to go to sleep or wake up in the mornings?

For a woman to finally decide to leave a violent relationship takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage. We must instill that courage in more domestic violence victims by letting them all know that we do care about them, we support them, and make them clearly understand that the violence isn't their fault.


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If you are a business owner and haven't adopted any particular cause or campaign, why not get involved in promoting domestic violence awareness? When businesses work together, great things can happen. The only way we can help stop domestic violence is to talk about it. There is someone in your community who is living in a violent relationship. Please join me on LinkedIn and Google+.--Ken

Other domestic violence information

Domestic violence is everyones problem.
Personal perspective of domestic violence.
Domestic violence: Myths and truths.


Walking Lifes Road by Ken Bradford.  A book about spiritual living.
"Walking Life's Road" - A book about spiritual living by Ken Bradford.