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| Domestic violence shatters lives. |
Before we get involved in trying to understand the victim of domestic violence, we must first understand who the victims are.
According to the U. S. Department of Justice, the majority of domestic violence victims are women. These victims fall into no special category. Domestic violence involves victims from all races, backgrounds, religions and walks of life. They may be stay-at-home moms, unemployed, highly paid professionals or members of the armed forces. There may be victims of domestic violence in your own neighborhood or in the congregation of your church.
Surveys conducted in the United States indicate that 22% of all women are physically assaulted by a partner or date during their lifetime. There are no statistics on the psychological and emotional abuse, which in many cases can be as devastating as the bruises and broken bones. Estimates from the Faith Trust Institute indicate that approximately 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year. Exact figures on the occurrences of domestic violence are very difficult to compile, since most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
Now, that we have exposed the myth that domestic violence only happens to poor people in poor neighborhoods, we can move on in our efforts to understand the victims.
Domestic violence victims enter into a relationship, whether it is marriage or just a live-in arrangement, just like anyone else. These women want companionship, a friend and someone to share all the good times as well as the bad. Many women, unfortunately, make the wrong decision and instead of getting a partner, they actually put themselves in a "master" and "servant" type relationship. Some men just seem to feel that they own women as property and they are the only ones who know what's best in a relationship.
Domestic violence doesn't always begin with physical violence and when the male partner starts calling her names and does everything in his power to intimidate and control her, she oftentimes takes this as just normal behavior for that particular person. She's right; it is "normal" behavior, but it is not the behavior she wants to live with and unfortunately, she doesn't always understand that fact in the very beginning.
Women who live in violent or abusive relationship are told repeatedly that the violence is their fault and if they would stop doing certain things, it wouldn't happen. This blame is repeated over and over again, until finally the woman begins to believe it and may do everything in her power to "fix" things, not realizing that domestic violence only gets worse, not better.
Victims of domestic violence live in constant fear. If they are even allowed to work outside the home, they fear getting off work. If they get a three-day weekend, they fear time off and see those days as more violence. They fear the time when their partner gets home from work. They fear they have prepared the wrong thing for dinner. I could go on and on, but the point here is that a woman in a violent relationship lives in fear 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Women in domestic violence are threatened with weapons and oftentimes their most treasured possessions are destroyed by the abuser. Some abusers go as far as to kill the family pet to show his power and maintain control.
Domestic violence victims don't leave the violence for many different valid reasons. They may feel they shouldn't disrupt the children's lives anymore than they are already. They may have no money and have absolutely no place to go. Some fear for their lives and still others may be so drawn within themselves that they can't see any relationship being any other way.
If there are children in the home, the effects of domestic violence are even greater. Children are often the unseen victims of domestic violence. There are children who witness their mother being slapped and kicked and sadly, sometimes murdered. Even the medical experts can't accurately measure the psychological and emotional damage done to children in these violent situations. It is, however, an established fact that children who live in domestic violence have a far greater chance of becoming abusers themselves.
We somehow just can't seem to grasp the idea that domestic violence is our problem. Some feel that this is just a matter that needs to be handled between the man and the woman. Even though we may not be experiencing violence in our own relationships, we are all "victims" of domestic violence in one way or the other.
Domestic violence costs states million of dollars every year for health care and that affects our health insurance premiums. States spend millions of dollars every year in housing domestic violence murderers. It is estimated that one out of five workdays missed by women is domestic violence related and that costs businesses a lot of money. Domestic violence impacts our police departments, our legal departments and our court systems.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), the cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year. A fact sheet published by the NCADV reveals that victims of domestic violence lose almost 8 million days of paid work due to the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends and dates.
The one very important thing that we must understand about domestic violence victims is that they need our help. The proper place for a woman and her children is in their home, not in a shelter and only we can give them that opportunity.
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If you are a business owner and haven't adopted any particular cause or campaign, why not get involved in promoting domestic violence awareness? When businesses work together, great things can happen. The only way we can help stop domestic violence is to talk about it. There is someone in your community who is living in a violent relationship. Please join me on LinkedIn and Google+.--Ken
