Domestic Violence Hasn't Stopped, So What Are We Doing Wrong?

I find it somewhat amazing that many of the individual state coalitions against domestic violence have similar missions to end domestic violence and assault. For example, the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, states that its mission is to :

"Prevent domestic violence against women by exposing its root causes. Eliminate the re-victimization of domestic violence victims by individuals, organizations, and society through education and collaboration. "

The irony here is that the AlabamaCoalition was established in 1978, over 37 years ago. In 2000, the governor of Alabama signed a new law making domestic violence a separate crime and stiffening the penalties for those who repeatedly abuse their families. The new law clearly says that abuse in the home is a punishable crime in the state of Alabama.

So, with 37 years of dedicated work to end domestic violence and with new laws that address this specific crime, why hasn't domestic violence stopped in Alabama? What are we all doing wrong?

 

Do states really understand the domestic violence problem?

 

A large segment of the general public seems to offer excuses for domestic violence. Some feel that domestic violence is caused by alcohol, drugs, stress, or anger. Others think the victim did something to cause the abuser to treat them that way. People get stressed and angry every day, but real men don't batter and abuse their spouse and children.

Most people seem to focus on the physical abuse associated with domestic violence. It is the verbal and emotional abuse that should get our complete attention. Many abusers will totally isolate their victims from friends and family. They will manipulate their victims by telling them to do something sexual or even illegal if they "really loved them".

In other situations, the abuser will use economic pressures to maintain total control. In many cases, the abuser won't allow his victim to work outside the home or will actually give them an allowance for spending. At other times, the abuser will ask for a receipt to show how much was spent at the store. This controlling behavior is all about power and control. Economic abuse must be seen as a red flag for other abusive behavior yet to come.

 

Domestic violence is the most under reported crime

 

According to an article at NOLO, many domestic violence victims hope the abuse was an isolated incident that won't happen again and choose not to report it to law enforcement. They may also be afraid that reporting the abuse might only drive the attacker to further violence.

According to Family ViolenceStatistics, published by the U. S. Department of Justice, the most common reason cited for not reporting family violence was that the incident was a "private or personal matter". For victims who are dependent on the abuser's income, the violence may not be reported for fear of losing financial support.

Statistics from the U. S. Department of Justice indicate that among the 2.1 million incidents of domestic violence reported to police between 1998 and 2002, only 36% resulted in an arrest. In many cases the victims have refused to testify against their abusers. The combination of failing to report and the refusal to cooperate makes domestic violence one of the hardest crimes to successfully prosecute.

 

Some states ask the wrong questions

 

A common question surrounding domestic violence is "Why does she stay?" The right question that must be asked and answered is "Why does he abuse the one he is supposed to love?" Domestic violence will never stop until every person in every state realizes the violence is a deliberate pattern of abusive tactics used by one partner to obtain and maintain power and control over the other person. We must stop placing blame on the victims and hold the abusers accountable for their actions.

Removing domestic violence from a free society will depend upon national, community and individual efforts. The end of the tragedy can only begin with a clear understanding and awareness of the domestic violence problem. Domestic violence must never be considered acceptable or a "natural" part of family life. Domestic violence will only end when everyone understands it and responds to it as the crime it is. It is never a private matter.

 

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