Domestic Violence Victims: What Can You Do?

You Can Help Stop Domestic Violence

It can be very difficult to know just what to do when someone you care about is a victim of domestic violence, whether you are a close friend or a family member. The sad truth is that sometimes she may not even see herself as a victim or view her partner as a batterer.

You must remember in many violent and abusive relationships it is just as important to know what not to do in your efforts to help.

Some things you can do to help a domestic violence victim:

• Ask questions

You may ask general questions like, "How's the marriage/relationship going?" or you can ask specific questions - "Has he ever pushed or hit you?", "Has he ever tried to intimidate you or call you names?". It is very important to understand that domestic violence doesn't always begin with physical violence and you must recognize some of the early warning signs of a possible violent relationship.

Understanding Victims Of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence shatters lives.

If you have ever had a friend or loved one who is or was a victim of domestic violence, there must have been times when you were totally baffled. First of all, you couldn't understand how a man could be so cold and mean as to beat up on a woman and you certainly couldn't understand why she stayed in that violent environment.

Before we get involved in trying to understand the victim of domestic violence, we must first understand who the victims are.

Domestic Violence: Stopping The Violence and Abuse

Support Domestic Violence Awareness

Domestic violence is at epidemic levels across these United States and even though both men and women suffer the effects of abusive, sometimes violent relationships, this article is designed to address domestic violence against women. The statistics show that the majority of domestic violence victims are women and the majority of those who are killed by a partner are women.

 

To stop domestic violence, you must understand just what it is

There seem to be hundreds or even thousands of organizations who proclaim that their mission is to stop domestic violence. So, why aren't they stopping domestic violence? Could it possibly be that people don't really understand just what it is?
A review of state laws addressing domestic violence indicates they differ, sometimes drastically, in how they actually "define" domestic violence. For example, the Alabama Code addresses domestic violence as simply "abuse", in New Mexico it's "domestic abuse" and in other states domestic violence is mentioned in with all the other "assault" statutes. Most state laws mention only the physical abuse of domestic violence, with seemingly little or no concern for the emotional or psychological abuse that goes along with a violent or abusive relationship.

 

Domestic violence according to the National Coalition against Domestic Violence

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence sees the problem like this:

"Domestic violence may include not only the intimate partner relationships of spousal, live-in partners and dating relationships, also familial, elder and child abuse may be present in a violent home. Abuse generally falls into one or more of the following categories: physical battering, sexual assault and emotional or psychological abuse, and generally escalates over a period of time."

 

How do you begin to stop domestic violence?

It would appear that the very first step in bringing domestic violence to an end would be for all states in the United States to understand just what domestic violence is and adopt a standard definition. State laws and the national agency against domestic violence don't even agree on the definition.
Once they agree on a "common" definition, then they can move forward in changing the laws and providing the necessary training to those who are responsible for enforcing them.

Here's a perfect example of an actual state law that needs to be changed (the state isn't important here):

"(A) After an adult, who falls into one of the categories set forth in Section 36-3-601(9)(A) through (F), has been arrested for assault pursuant to 39-13-101, or aggravated assault pursuant to 39-13-102 against a victim as defined in this part, the arresting officer shall inform the victim that the person arrested may be eligible to post bond for the offense and be released until the date of the trial for the offense."

 

To stop domestic violence, it must be seen from the victim's perspective

Let's take a hypothetical situation involving a woman who has just experienced a violent abusive episode with her partner. Due to her partner's controlling behavior, she has been totally isolated from her friends and she has no family in the immediate area.

You can assume she has children but, for this example, it really doesn't matter. She somehow manages to get to a phone and calls the police or a neighbor calls the police. The police arrive and arrest her partner and before the officer leaves, he tells her - "the person who just assaulted you may be eligible to post bond for the offense and be released until the date of trial for the offense."

How long does it take to post bond? One hour? Two hours? So, hypothetically, this person who has just abused his partner could be back home within two hours.

Who do you think this abuser is most upset with: the police? his partner? Do you think that, just possibly, being arrested and hauled to jail would be used as justification for the abuser to commit more violent acts against his partner?

The victim of this domestic violence calls the local domestic violence shelter and the people tell her - "We're sorry, but we have no vacancy." She has no friends, no family and the shelter won't let her in, where does she go? Keep in mind she has about two hours to get out.

 

To stop domestic violence, it needs to be made easier for victims to leave

According to national domestic violence statistics, 50 percent of the women with children who are homeless and on the streets are victims of domestic violence.

When a woman makes the decision to leave her home, there is more to leaving than just getting in the car or have someone pick her up. She has to get together valuable papers like birth certificates, social security cards, lease agreements, home deeds, school records and medical records. She has to get clothes for herself and her children. She has to get together toys for the children. She has to get her medications together and the house keys and car keys.

Would it not be just an act of common decency to allow a domestic violence victim at least 24 hours to get herself together and get out? Do you think that just knowing that an abuser will be released in just a matter of a few hours deters domestic violence victims from calling the police in the first place?

Building more shelters is not the answer to ending domestic violence. Before anyone will bring any type of drastic reduction in domestic violence incidents, it's vital to know the answers to two very critical questions:

• What causes a person to intentionally want to hurt or even murder someone who they are supposed to love?
• Why does a woman stay or return to a place where she has been physically, sexually or emotionally abused?

Unfortunately, many people view domestic violence as a private family matter - to be solved between a man and a woman. Well, nothing could be further from the truth about domestic violence. When the lives of women and children are on the line in your own communities, domestic violence becomes your problem.

If you would like to learn more about domestic violence and how you can help stop it, call your state coalition against domestic violence today.

=================================================================
If you are a business owner and haven't adopted any particular cause or campaign, why not get involved in promoting domestic violence awareness? When businesses work together, great things can happen. The only way we can help stop domestic violence is to talk about it. There is someone in your community who is living in a violent relationship. Please join me on LinkedIn and Google+.--Ken