<title>Reasons Victims Stay In An Abusive Relationship : Domestic Violence: A National Epidemic

Domestic violence in the workplace.

Whether it is easier to leave a violent relationship or stay in the violence is a very complex issue that will never be as easily resolved as the subject may appear. One of the major problems in the entire domestic violence issue is the general public's lack of understanding and therefore, it is oftentimes difficult for anyone to understand why the victims of violent behavior don't just leave.

According to a National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) fact sheet, 85% of domestic violence victims are women. The University of California (UCLA) Counseling Center outlines several reasons why abuse victims stay in violent relationships, including:

Fear of the Abuser

A very good reason for women to stay in violent situations is fear for their lives and possibly the lives of their children. More than likely the violent and abusive partner has threatened to kill the victim or himself at least once. The victims chances of being killed are far greater in leaving than in staying. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in 2010, 1095 females were murdered by an intimate partner.

Victims Feel Responsible for Violence

Women stay in domestic violence because they feel the violence is their fault. They have been told over and over again that if they wouldn't do certain things, the violence wouldn't happen. They have heard that so many times, they have begun to believe it and are doing their best to correct those "bad" things, so they will be treated better.

Victims Don't Know About Available Resources

Some women stay in violent relationships because they have no where else to go and they have no money. Most likely the violent partner controls all of the money, will not allow his partner to hold a job, and will only allow the victim to have a certain amount of money for necessary items, like groceries. Most violence victims do not know about the Domestic Violence Hotline or that most states have a state coalition against domestic violence that can be used as a source for help.

Religion or Cultural Beliefs May Prohibit Divorce

Some women stay in violent relationships because their religious beliefs dictate to them that a marriage is sacred and divorce under any circumstances is wrong. When they have spoken to their pastor or another member of their church, they most likely have been told to try harder in being a good partner.

Still Love Partners Who Can Change

Finally, women may stay in violent relationships because they actually love their abusers. In the "Cycle of Violence" there is sometimes a calm period, where the abusive partner will be nice and appear to be the person the woman actually fell in love with in the first place. At this point, the woman may feel that he has changed and just possibly the violence is over, but she is soon to realize that it really isn't. This cycle of violence, then calm continues over and over and each time the victim feels that things will get better.

Women who stay in the violence are constantly riding a roller coaster of emotions and at times the emotional and psychological abuse is more devastating than the actual physical assaults. It is common for women to reach a point where they feel that violence is the life they deserve, they feel it's their fault and no one seems to care, so why should they?

Many women do eventually leave relationships of violence, but it takes time and it is sometimes a slow process. Obviously, for women to make the final decision to leave their partners would require them to disallow all previous reasons for staying, right? They must overcome the fear of being murdered, they must understand that the violence isn't their fault, they must understand that some people do care about them, and they must allow their desire to live a life free from violence to be greater than their love for their partners.

Most women don't understand that a "safety plan" for leaving will make the leaving somewhat easier. They must have some where to go and a definite time to leave. Many women just get in a vehicle with only their purse and maybe a few items of clothing and just take off. It doesn't take very long for them to realize that they didn't bring their medicines, their drivers' license, or their social security card and so they must go back. Normally when they go back, they stay.

It is only through the support and involvement of every citizen, every community, every church, and every business that these abused women will finally understand and appreciate society's concern for their safety and happiness and make their decision to leave the easier decision.

Whether a woman leaves or stays in a violent relationship, neither decision is an easy one, but with help and understanding the right choice could be made more easily.

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If you are a business owner and haven't adopted any particular cause or campaign, why not join BWC Marketing and get involved in promoting domestic violence awareness? When businesses work together, great things can happen. The only way we can help stop domestic violence is to talk about it. There is someone in your community who is living in a violent relationship. Please join me on LinkedIn and Google+.--Ken